Category Archives: Prose

Time and Commitments

dear enlightened,

it’s been a short while since you guys last heard from me. a few days ago i finished my 30 days project exactly as i had planned, although i think my original end date estimate was off by a day. oh well, i’m terrible at math. but during this ordeal i’ve learned quite a bit about myself and maybe you guys learned something about me as well.

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Run-on sentence

Dear Fellow Mind-States,

So I’m working on a short story, not that short, or it might be, I don’t know yet. Anyway, I only have the first paragraph worded and written out but I do have a general idea of the story and themes involved (it includes ghost/flame-like creatures, spooky right?) but since I’m real terrible at writing beginnings I had to be careful with this first paragraph. To say that I took an hour to write this first paragraph would not be an overstatement; it would be the absolute truth. So now I have this paragraph that I’m really self-conscious about and I figured the best way to overcome it is to publish it, making it open to criticism and review. So here goes:

There exists a forest, a forest occupying such an altitude and latitude that one would hardly believe a forest could survive the climate at such great heights, and it is true that large columns of ice can be found linking the ground and lowermost parts of the crowns of these trees and that rivulets of ice reside inside the crevices of the trees’ rhytidome, which while usually too small and narrow to amass any significant volume of water often will, by itself, equal the weight of a typical tree a person might find in their back yard thanks to their sheer immensity; it could be argued that the largest tree known by man is smaller or perhaps equal to the average sized ones of this forest, although it would be impossible to make any comparisons since no man has laid eyes upon this forest, or if he has, he made no report of it because of either his death by way of the surrounding wilderness or a general disinterest in forests and trees.

I realize that the entire thing is one huge run-on sentence; that’s the point because I wanted to describe the forest in just one sentence because it’s not important at all. It’s not the setting of the story; it’s just the setting of the setting. Seeing as it’s a run-on sentence, I am very curious as to whether or not I made any grammatical errors. I believe that I got all of my commas and conjunctions in their correct places, but I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if I didn’t. Also, some contextual criticism would be awesome since, despite the fact that it is almost immaterial to story, the first impression is terribly important, especially for a short story. Any comments, criticisms, complaints, or corrections can be sent either directly to me via the Contakt page (it’s new!) up top or right below here in the comment section.

Many Thanks a/und Viele Wiedergeburten,
Imagana

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Overwhelmed by Awards

Dear Literates,

I have been slacking the past couple of days partly due to the fact that I’ve been sick. Well, mostly due to my being sick; the only other reason is that I’m lazy and I had a great excuse. Anyway, I recently was nominated for three separate awards (I don’t know why) by two equally beautiful and lovely bloggers: Parry and Abichica. The first two awards are the Candle Light Awards and the One Lovely Blog Award.

I’m very honoured to have been nominated for these awards and I really don’t know what to say except “Thank you! I am not worthy!”

Ahem….continuing on to the next award, which is the Versatile Blogger Award

Again, thank you so much for the award. I don’t know why you chose me but you did and that’s pretty awesome. So this award has some stipulations by which I will abide and they are:

1. Post a picture of the award (check)
2. Thank the award giver (check and mate)
3. Share 7 random facts about yourself
4. Nominate 15 other bloggers about this and tell them so

Alrighty, since the first two have been taken care of, let’s move onto step 3. Here are seven random facts:

1. I use to speak German pretty fluently but I honestly haven’t spoken it regularly in so long that I would probably embarrass myself in any serious attempt.
2. I have lived in the same state (North Carolina) my entire life and I have never left the United States.
3. I cannot whistle
4. I have a habit of buying random blank notebooks, journals, diaries, whatever-you-want-to-call-them with the intent to use them but I’ve never even completely (or halfway) filled one of them up. I also always dedicate each one to a separate task. I think now I have 8, maybe 9.
5. My two favorite musical acts are Radiohead and Bomb The Music Industry!
6. I don’t eat meat.
7. My favorite television program of all time was LOST. It was also the only show that I watched every episode of from start to finish. Well, I’ve actually watched every episode of Dragonball Z from start to finish, too, but with LOST, I never watched a single episode out-of-order.

And lastly, I have to nominate some people (15) for this award. I’m also going to be nominating these people for the Candle Light and One Lovely Blog Awards

1. Written Words Never Die
2. Halfway Between the Gutters and the Stars
3. LonelyM
4. So Real Tonight
5. Thoughtsfromwestfive
6. Scriptor Obscura Writes
7. Poems for Kush
8. maggiemaeijustsaythis
9. Joe2Poetry
10. Lost Up Above
11. Hollyanne Gets Poetic
12. Bored Alice
13. Julie Catherine
14. Verse Not Prose
15. Chronicles of Jen

Ah yes, I am finally done talking for the day. I’ll let you get back to your own designs.

Ciao,
Burt

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7 x 7 Link Award

Dear Attractive Readers,

For reasons beyond my comprehension, I have been nominated by the ever-lovely Steph from www.lostupabove.wordpress.com for the 7 x 7 Link Award. I am surprised, humbled, quite honoured, and pretty happy that I received this.

There are rules involved:

1. Share something that nobody (in the blogging community) knows about yourself

2. Link up to seven of your own posts that you feel are worthy

3. Nominate seven other bloggers for this award and tell them so

Alrighty. For the first rule: I play eight different instruments (none very well) and they are the trumpet, trombone, baritone, guitar, bass guitar, banjo, keyboard, and harmonica. I was in a band in high school where I played the trombone, trumpet, and keyboard.

Hmm…well here are seven posts of mine that I especially like:

1. That, I Regret
2. Closing All Open Tags
3. Read This Quickly
4. Politique
5. Ya’aburnee
6. millionaires
7. smoke more cigarettes, it’ll be ok

And lastly, some nominees (in no particular order):
1. hollyanne gets poetic
2. maggiemaeijustsaythis
3. LONELYM
4. Five Reflections
5. Sonia G Medeiros
6. Verse Not Prose
7. Chronicles of Jen

Cordially,
Darien Byron Halden-Vetterfeld

life update

Dear Lucky Individuals,

So I am currently sitting in a coffee shop stealing wireless internet so that I can talk to all of you. Ok, to be fair, I did buy a cup of coffee and the internet is free anyway so I can’t really consider it stealing (which depresses me more than you would think). The coffee is mediocre but the staff is really nice and they gave me a free sample of some coffee cake (which was better than the coffee) so I’m not completely unhappy. Also, they don’t have skim milk here. I don’t know why they don’t have skim milk, but they don’t. They just have half-and-half and whole milk, and lately I have been exclusively drinking skim milk for some reason unknown to even myself. Bob Dylan is singing, “It ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe. That light I never knowed” and playing some really sweet harmonica. And no, I don’t mean that Bob is actually here performing (I think he’s outgrown the coffee shop circuit) but it is playing over the radio. Ok, that was probably really obvious. Whatever. Anyway, ‘Don’t Think Twice It’s Alright’ is playing and I really do love this song. It’s probably my favorite pre-electric Bob song (I’m assuming that this song is before he went electric, but to be honest, I don’t know that much about the life and career of Robert Dylan. It’s not like he’s Thom Yorke. And this parenthetical statement applies to the following sentence). My favorite, of course, is Hurricane. And it has just dawned on me that I haven’t heard that song in a long time…….Wait, what the fuck was I just talking about before the Bob tangent? Oh yeah, coffee shop. So I’m still sitting here in this coffee shop drinking my coffee, fucking blogging away. It seems like most of the people here are yuppies (I am in Cary, NC) and I get the feeling that most of them are probably thinking of me, “look at this fucking hipster with his fucking cardigan and fucking red flannel shirt and fucking leather boots that contradict his fucking vegetarian beliefs, fucking drinking some coffee, complaining about the lack of skim milk, blogging away. He fucking biked up here with his fucking environmentally-friendly bullshit excuse for not having a fucking car.” Whoa! that was a very profane quotation. I can’t imagine that anybody is judging me that harshly here, or that anybody even notices that I am here, but there just might be someone like that, although they probably won’t use the word ‘fuck’ and its various forms as often as I. Alright, this paragraph is becoming more than longer than I intended. In the words of Colin Greenwood, “I’m rambling.”

So there was some semblance of a point in this post (besides an excuse to write ‘fuck’ sixteen times) and I should get around to it. The point, I think, was to report how my 30 days project has been going. It has been going pretty well. I’m writing some interesting things but I’ve been running out of things to write (obvious in the last couple of days’ poems) so I’ve been coming up with unique ways to generate ideas. For instance, day 9 was taken directly from a piece of monologue that I wrote for a short story that I never got around to finishing. Is it cheating? Probably. Do I care? Not a bit. And the next day was much worse; it’s just a string of random words in alphabetical order that were taken from street signs (one word from each sign I saw until I filled up an entire page of my handy-dandy pocket notebook; there were very strict rules) while walking around downtown Raleigh at night. This was done partly out of a lack of ideas and hastiness, since I hadn’t written anything for the day and it was already 10:30 pm and I was out on the town with friends, and I was thinking that I’ll never be able to write something while walking down the street. Then I and my good friend Anthony came up with the idea of taking words from street signs (I love street signs). I could have waited until I got somewhere to sit down to actually generate something a bit more conventional, but I thought, “I don’t know if this can be considered poetry, but I don’t see why it can’t. And frankly, I don’t give a fuck.”

So there’s the seemingly uninteresting stories behind two of my poems. The stories behind the rest of them are equally, if not not more, uninteresting. Anyway, I’ve noticed since I’m a terrible procrastinator that I usually end up writing and posting the days poem after 10 or 11 pm. It reminds me a lot of school. It’s like having an essay for Spanish that has to be uploaded by 5 o’clock and at 4 I stop reading wikipedia articles and rush to write about the similarities between the cultures of Mexico and Spain. It won’t be very good but at least it will be done because the difference between a 70 and a 0 is much more than the difference between a 70 and a 95. It should be noted that I have never taken a Spanish course since the fifth grade and I was merely speculating as to what an essay for a Spanish class might be. Alright, I’m rambling again.

So there’s the up and up on the whole 30 days project. I’m confident in myself that it will be followed through to February as planned, seeing as I have completed a third of it already, and I will really try to upload a poem everyday (thank god the day ends at midnight). If you’ve read this far (I applaud you), you’re probably wondering when this is going to end. The answer: very soon. Just a few more things to do.

‘fuck’ counter (including this one): 16
radiohead references: 4
parenthetical asides: 13

And at that, I bid you adieu and apologize for the profanity in this post (I really like the word fuck). I will see you in the next life.

Cheers,
Staven

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unamerikan

Dear Folkses,

So someone today told me that being a vegetarian made me un-American. They said something about “the American west was made prosperous by raising cattle.” I responded with, “ever heard of gold rushes or the railroad?” I’m paraphrasing of course, but you get the picture. Now I’m not much of an expert on the American expansionist period but I feel like I was somewhat correct. At least I must have appeared correct to this guy because he immediately shut up, for the most part. Now I’m curious as to whether or not I was right. And since I don’t feel like doing any research into the subject, I’ll either let someone tell me that I was right or wrong or I’ll live without knowing. Both are fine with me. I’m also curious as to whether that guy’s statement had any semblance of truth, or if he was grossly mistaken. That also brings up the question as to whether or not being a vegetarian is un-American. I certainly don’t think it is. If anything, it should make me more American. And if it does make me un-American, then I don’t really want to be very American.

You people may be wondering why I have as of late taken to writing you letters on this blog. You’re probably thinking, “what’s up with all of this bullshit rambling? I just want to read some badass poetry.” No? You sure? Well now. Regardless, I apologize for the sudden change. I just wanted to start making myself more personable to you guys. You probably thought I was just some guy who writes obtuse metaphors that are sometimes difficult to understand. Well, you’ll probably still think that since on most occasions that is the case. But now you all know that I’m a vegetarian and that I do live in America. Of course, if you know me in real life, you already know these things. Whatever. Also, I do realize that I’m talking to like 9 maybe 10 people at the most, but that won’t lessen my resolve in the least bit. And I’m not going to reveal too much of myself here. You won’t hear about any of my rampant drug use or wild sexcapades. That has to be asked in person; I’m not as fortunate as Carlos Estevez, sadly enough. And if this ends up irking you or annoying you in any way, you can contact me and tell me and I will completely ignore you.

Lastly, ‘3’ will be up sometime later today, as is the requirement. It hasn’t been written yet, but I have like 11 more hours so I’ll get to it eventually. Thanks for reading all of this…

Arrivederci,

Arthur

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30 days

Dear You People,

So today is the 3rd day of the new year and I realize that I should have started this two days ago but after nursing hangovers and the enjoying the last of the Christmas season, I forgot. I’m not sure who the first person to do this was, but I do recall reading about her and she was some prolific songwriter or something along those lines, but since I’ve seen countless other internet personalities doing this I don’t feel too terrible stealing the idea. Now you might be wondering what it is that I should have started two days ago. Well, I am going to attempt to write a poem a day for the next 30 days so you fine readers will have 30 more poems to read and adore by February 2nd, if my math is correct. Now given my loose definition of what a poem is, some of these might be only two lines but whatever. Now I don’t always have access to the internet every single day so I won’t necessarily be posting a poem every single day onto this website but I will write one in one of my many handy-dandy notebooks. You’ll just have to trust me on this. And don’t worry your pretty heads about my trustworthiness; I’m probably the most trustworthy person you’ve ever not met. This is most certainly a lie but whatever, you get the picture. Since today is the first day, you will be getting something entitled ‘1’ later on the evening (I’m eastern time, seeing as that is the only time zone that matters). Alright world, prepare yourselves. This is sure to be an epic adventure for all of us. Actually it probably won’t be, but it’ll entertain me for the next month and if I’m lucky, it will entertain you people as well.

Namaste,

the author

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Album out Now!

Dear loyal readers,

The long-awaited debut EP from the Spanish Inquisition is now out and available for download at http://originaltsi.bandcamp.com/album/the-epileptic-solargun-an-actual-lazer for pay-what-you-want (free). So you really have nothing to lose except a little harddrive space and twenty-one and a half minutes of your time. And let’s face it, it’s the holiday season and you’re not in school and you’re probably at home bored so this will be a great way to pass that time.

The tracklist is as follows (titles are case-sensitive):

1. Skatterd Spirits

2. These Eyes are as the Devil’s Wings

3. If I don’t go to Hell

4. Stephanapolous

5. Fish are the Blood

6. immer mit der Ruhe

7. 3rd Chaunces are Beautiful

8. The Stars are (actually) just Lonely

 

Here are the front and back covers if, you know, this ever sees some type of physical release and for your itunes or google music or whatever you’re using.

back coverfront cover

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Coo Coo Cachoo and Pleasant Holidays,

the author of this blog

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TSI to release extra special EP

Dear loyal readers,

Many of you probably did not know this but one of my favorite local bands, The Spanish Inquisition, is releasing their first ever EP tomorrow (later today actually) ‘Epileptic Solargun…(an actual Lazer)’ and I wanted to tell you guys to go pick it up. By pick it up, I of course mean go and download it. The price will be pay-what-you-want (free) but don’t feel obligated to give any money because I’ve heard that the album didn’t cost anything to make. But if you want to support local artists then you might want to give a buck or two.

Anyway, they released one of the songs off the album, “3rd Chaunces are Beautiful” is available for download at http://originaltsi.bandcamp.com/track/3rd-chaunces-are-beautiful right now. It’s also pay-what-you-want (free) so give it a listen if you have the time. The rest of the album drops later today and I’ll probably throw another link up when that happens.

Toodles,

the author of this blog

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Ehring the boy

Ehring was a very bright kid. He received top marks all through-out middle and into his first two years of high school. At the end of this freshman year, he was already third in his class at his fairly competitive high school. He had a busy and difficult schedult with more honors classes than academic. He was also very kind. He was known as a very loyal friend to his small, albeit close-knit group. And anybody who met him would say that he was as gentle as a clam.

But Ehring was not without his faults, like every other human being. At the age of 16, he just passed the threshhold of 300 pounds. Now some people would not consider this a serious flaw in character, but to Ehring it certainly was. It dominated his life and played a crucial role in his depression and self-loathing. His weight only became a problem, however, as his body passed into the phase of puberty, through which all young person’s body must pass and become an acute root of emotional tumoil and disparity. Now pangs of lust and love for cute girls pricked his heart almost constantly. His true character flaw showed when these feelings took over, as his normally intelligent and logical thinking was intercepted and replaced with irrational sensibility. The bad decisions he made during these short but frequent moments made him hate himself more.

Ehring, being the intelligent young man he was, was certainly not naive enough to think that girls would be only interested in him for his smarts. He knew that he was unattractive and that, in his own words, the probability of him finding any girl interested in him was highly implausible. He knew that he would have to make serious lifesyle changes in order to sate his ever -expanding libido. However, he was one of the few people who could honestly admit that his life was too busy to keep a steady exercise program. He also retained an incorrigible love of delicious and most oftenly, fattening foods. Whatever he would do to fix his problem would have to drastic and clever. Being the natural problem solver he was, he devoted a good deal of his energies to finding a solution.

author’s note:

The preceding is in no fashion finished. Not even the title, which I currently hate but am keeping for the sake of having a title, will remain in its current state. Additions and amendments will be added as time passes.